SEX MACHINE

I WILL NEVER LEAVE THIS HOUSEHOLD.

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 07:30:38 GMT

John's Puss Face

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 07:25:51 GMT

Oh my Goodness!

MAKEOVER TIME!

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 03:56:19 GMT

2007 in the HIZOUSE.

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 01:38:11 GMT

I got banned from posting in a celebrity trainwreck community because I stated:

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 19:02:51 GMT

No, I am not "against" gay people, but I do question whether homosexual BEHAVIOR is "natural" and "healthy".

Apparently, people who question things will not be tolerated. I'm the BOMB DIGGITY and y'all motherfukers WILL miss me.

may tutu tu oh oh seis

Tue, 23 May 2006 00:35:36 GMT

I don't know what's wrong with me, but something obviously is. I feel a lead weight in the pit of my stomach. Maybe my stomach needs to be pumped. Lord only knows what one might find in there. It's as though every orifice is leading to a bottomless pit. My insides nothing but a maze of fistulas, volcanic masses of bloody pus just yearning for a grand exit.

I feel as though it is impossible for me to reach my lifelong dream of becoming a filthy rich Hollywood star. Have I become far too dependant on Grandma to ever leave this house? This is a question that I'm hoping therapy will answer. Therapy which Grandmama, out of the kindness and generosity of her heart, is footing the bill for.

Without you, my life would be empty.

Today I feel in love with myself, in love with the world, but especially in love with YOU. If I had a stick of butter I'd coat myself with it. I'd let it soften a bit before rubbing it in the cleft of my special place. Maybe if it was still somewhat firm enough in the middle it could slip inside...

Aahaha.

Go ahead -- f@%$ my ass. You think I care? So I am your servant boy, your errand boy, your cabana boy even! To serve you, Grandma, is my ultimate fucking pleasure. No pleasure could be more pleasurable...ever.

Jiminey Crickets! Every time I sit here like this I'm stroking it. It kind of makes me hate my life a little bit.

Late.

Cum to Poppa

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 04:03:38 GMT

Don't even ACT like you don't want a moustache ride because you know you do.

I'll Be Fucked If I Know

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 09:18:01 GMT

If waking up is such a goddamned chore, why is it that I'm up once again in the middle of the night, staring at ebay, at the ONTD community, at PCWorld reviews, at amazon.com, checking email, deleting, forgetting what I came to the computer to do, etc. etc. ETC?

Could it be that gentle laxative I took just before bed?

The bottom line is, I need some sex. Any sex will do. BRING IT.

TiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiReeeeeeeeeeeeed.

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 04:24:42 GMT

Just a few inches south of my fat sneering face you'll find an image of a man with a bulbous nose, a man who looks like a mixture of David Letterman and Tim Robbins. I'm sitting here with one leg up on the table and my eyes half closed. I really should sleep, but not without putting up THE GOOD FIGHT. Sometimes when I make silver dollar pancakes with grandma I... well I slither into the bathroom with generous ladle full of wet and pasty batter. What I do with that batter should come as a surprise to no one. 'Nuff said. To be perfectly frank with all of you (?) [acknowledgment means oh so much] my true guilty pleasure involves cooked mini flapjacks, still steaming hot and used as warm compresses for my angelic eyes. I feel truly refreshed after a treatment and well, I love me and I'm WORTH IT.

I'm a little bit tired right now but really that's just an excuse--most of the time I don't make sense. Grandma always said I was a nonsense baby: born to perpetrate nonsense. I thought she was just teasing me in good fun until she placed the

Larry is a Diddle-Dop

sign in the door.

Maybe that is the event that has scarred me so greatly and made me incapable of leaving good old grandma and moving out on my own. :(

I have a friend... A boy. I'm positively giddy for him. He sends multiple shivers up and down and all around my nutsack. Hairs actually stand at attention ON my shaft for two hours prior to and continue for two hours after each of our dalliances.

OK I'm really fucking tired and horny. Mostly horny. I don't think I could swallow enough cum to satisfy me right now but it can't hurt to try.

God hates me, but He loves my Man Pussy.

Sat, 19 Nov 2005 14:24:47 GMT

No wonder I'm soaking wet.

To be continued.

For the Love of God

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 01:35:43 GMT

Anyone can service me orally. ANYONE. Just walk up to me and kindly request a visit with my exquisite package and we can be one, crotch to mouth, for an hour or two. I also accept rim jobs at this time from those who practice good oral hygiene and evidence of such is clearly noticeable. I consider myself an expert in sensory and tactile stimulation--the result of many years of agony and growth immediately following a long period of neglect from my family and caretakers. Because of this I am very sensitive to the needs of others, almost to the point of being self-destructive when I start to feel that someone's saftey is being threatened... Oh yes ;). Furthermore I'd like to state that I do feel that I have refined tastes. Therefore I shall screen all future lovers and potential hookups with an ultra-fine toothed lice comb, so to speak. Understand that this process will take no more than 30 seconds. I need nothing more than the power of my mesmerizing Laser Eyes to size up all C's & C's who might dare step 2 ME.

When my genitals are ignored I start to ache... but it feels like heartache to me. Please don't let me die a lonely death without love and without joy.

Tonight's the sort of night I'd consider strapping my ankles to the headboard behind my head and letting my warm juices flow gingerly into my mouth after completing my increasingly violent deed.

I don't even know how I manage to be me. I surprise myself every day. The more I think about it, the more I am truly filled with delight despite my near continuous assertions of self-hatred.

Peace.

Failure in Fonicks, Pro in Peekchurs.

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 01:44:58 GMT

?

1/27/06
This entry annoyed me. ERASED.

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 04:14:00 GMT

I can cum again. Hooray.

<3,

My hand

I Wanna Sex You Up

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 03:32:44 GMT

I am one horny cunt whore. That's for god damned sure. Too bad my load won't spew. That's right America, I can't cum.

You Can Run
But you can't Cum.

You can have Fun
But you can't Cum.

You can get it in the Bum
But you can't Cum.

By you, I mean you.

Sometimes I just can't resist mascara-ing my lovely lashes and relaxing provocatively while sipping on a cool drink. Does anyone up in here have a ROBOSAPIEN? I was just curious about the preprogrammed flatulent sounds.

Occasionally I find myself obsessing over grandma's puckered rosebud.

Never in my life have I claimed to be the most stylish or the most beautiful man. I am, however, the most charismatic. The hot heat of raw lust wafts from the depths of my pores to permeate the areas I tend to inhabit. Greater care should be taken by one and all to respectfully admire the complexities of one Larry Chester E. Riddings and his masterful art of sharing.

I love my fans, and I love my sex drive.

I love glistening dewey drops of Spring on pussy noses.

I've had relations with your mother in my dreams. I've had botox injections in my brow. I've had cadaver skin tubes inserted down the length of my shaft to increase its overall girth. Too much info?

Sometimes I hate myself for the endless disorganization and waste, but in the end, there is only one thing of major importance:

LOVECOCK.

Ode to a Hunk of a Motherfucking Man.

Sun, 22 May 2005 18:19:36 GMT

The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the empty skies, my love,
To the dark and the empty skies.

The first time ever I kissed your mouth
And felt your heart beat close to mine
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command, my love
That was there at my command.

And the first time ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy would fill the earth
And last till the end of time my love
It would last till the end of time my love

The first time ever I saw your face, your face,
your face, your FACE.

HOT, HOTTER, HOTTEST

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 00:10:42 GMT

Yo,
I know that the MOUF has been pretty fuckin' pathetique lately. My moustache has been itching and I no longer feel qualified to scratch it. My balls also itch...and my sphincter. Sitting naked and sweaty on a leather chair will do that to you. I only hope to avoid getting funk crammed under my nails when I relieve my itch. It's all about smegma and anal secretions these days.

Once upon a time I had a 600+ lbs. goal for myself. I hoped to accomplish the aforementioned with KFC and bacon grease. Also- mayonnaise. I betcha didn't know that Larry enjoys squeezing a few shots of the ol' Hellman's in his mouf when he's producing a few squirts in tribute to his Mature Women [60+] porn collection. Oh if you only knew the dreams that I have, dreams that almost kill me with desire.

It's high time I worshiped myself in the mirror while stroking myself and rubbing my chin seductively. I'm such a piece of ass it's truly disgusting.

Lovely Hint of a Lady in the Middle surrounded by DEVIANTS.

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 07:03:58 GMT

~pu55ym0uth~

LJ friendsCollage.

Brought to you by pratibha75 and teemus.

Livin' The Vida Loca

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 01:26:56 GMT

Call me corny and call me cheap but one thing you will not call me is a sexual dud. Not if you speak to GRANDMA.

If love is strong...is it strong enough to let go?

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 22:08:41 GMT

I got a four-fold dosage of LOVE today in the form of e-communication. I never thought I'd say this, but hearing from you was like picking a scab off an old wound, which I subsequently did of course.

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 21:14:23 GMT

I'm sick of living in my own filth for no reason.

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 21:14:06 GMT

I'm sick of crying.

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 03:27:41 GMT

I'm just really unhappy today and I don't even quite know why. Apparently I can't hide it either and others [one stupid fucking asshole bitch in particular] are starting to comment on it. I am stressed out...overwhelmed. What else can I say? I miss my love but that's not all of it. I can't even point to anything in particular. There's just no satisfaction with life. At all. Fuck it.

I'm sorry, but FUCK IT.

WOOF! or WOOFS! I got the LICKSHOT.

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 23:50:26 GMT

Yes I was in the Navy and yes I was a PRIVATE. No such thing you say?

I say FUCK YOU. Larry Chester knows what's up and Larry Chester knows what's true.

Fuck with me and scrape thick, hot ejaculate off your face. That's the word.

WORD. Your own personal Jesus like your own Personal Pan Pizza.

Arf! I used your joke, but it sucks anyway so I assumed you wouldn't mind.

I need to touch my genitals.

I Fought the Law and the... CALL ME FIBBER McGEE!

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 05:04:34 GMT

Ladies and Gentlemen,

For a minute there, I forgot how to spell gentlemen. Actually I did forget a letter and now I've fixed it. The word still looks wrong though. That word looks incredibly wrong to me.

Tonight my friend Nancy said that the English language is being "crippled". That's why she keeps old dictionaries around, she said, to observe the progression.

THE PROGRESSION OF DECAY.

I'm not enough of a snob to really care. I think the only reason I started to enjoy spelling is because I used to invent little games in my itty bitty head because it was fairly obvious that most phonetic rules weren't HARD and FAST and I used the games to entertain myself when I'd tune the teacher out, much like the syllable game. I held myself VERY ACCOUNTABLE for learning those words every week for the spelling test. I, me, my. I did. No one else made me study. No one else even asked to see the list. Would I be the type of parent who would and could be up a child's ass about their work? Would it even help if I could be (:::whisper sound inside head:::yes you idiot::::}? Who gives a fuck. That's a boring thing to think about.

Profanity is still enjoyable, if only for the pathetic feeling it gives me when I type it (speaking it just isn't the same).

I had to discuss, or I decided to discuss my lack of empathy tonight, which I didn't seem to be aware of before. Oh okay I was aware of not feeling anything but I didn't take that to mean that I did not care. Would, could, should. I would if I could?

Today I sobbed uncontrollably for a cat who ran across the pavement while I was fueling my car.

"But she knows how to take care of herself," I thought.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

I'm still awake. Why? I don't know. I came home almost two hours ago.

I feel strangely optimistic today.

I take that as a bad sign.

Larry is afraid that something good might actually happen. Larry is afraid of good things. Yah sure, Larry reads his shit later and finds it ridiculous, but...

But nothing.

Goodnight sweethearts. I want to be a lover. I want that to be good. I want to soar very high despite my fear of the fall that may follow. JONATHAN LIVINGSTON SEAGULL. I'm tired of my humble stature. My love makes me feel like everything is everything. LAUREN HILL. Well actually, it makes me believe it. CHER.

Embrace yourselves for me.
ADAM ANT.
<3

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 16:00:57 GMT

Christ on fucking wheels I've been pathetic lately. It doesn't even seem to matter if I'm griping about things I CAN change or things I obviously CAN'T.

"YOU CANNOT ADAPT TO ANY SITUATION EITHER FOR OR AGAINST YOUR BENEFIT."

Adapt?

My cock and balls adapt to environmental changes. Grandma's sphincter adapts to my invading cock meat.

Why am I even updating this journal? I'll be fucked if I know.

MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I'M LONELY.

Lonely and sad,
Sad and lonely.

Somebody please fuck me. Somebody please offer a hole, or something warm and hard to grab. Please IM SexyUncleFloyd if you can help a brotha out. These are desperate times.